The Ghost & The Cockroach
One day, a lonely ghost was bemoaning his fate in a decrepit old house. A cockroach scuttled through a crack in a baseboard and went right past the ghost, who heaved a sigh.
“Even the cockroach has it better than me,” the lonely ghost said. “She is low and disgusting, but at least she has her life and the simple pleasures of food and other living beings.”
“Oh, please,” the cockroach said to the surprise of the ghost. “The life of a cockroach is much harder than that of a ghost. Everybody I see wants to kill me. You’re already dead. You must have the ultimate peace of mind.”
“Don’t you know anything about ghosts? If I had peace of mind, I wouldn’t be a ghost, would I? I have unfinished business, but every time I try to tell somebody how to help me, they run away.”
The cockroach fiddled with her shell as she thought.
“Let’s put it to the test,” she finally said.
“How?”
“It seems to me, all we need is a person and the two of us. If their first impulse is to kill me, cockroaches have it worse; and if their first impulse is to run from you, ghosts have it worse.”
“That seems scientific,” the ghost said.
So the lonely ghost and the cockroach waited for a person to arrive and proctor the test. It took almost three years, but neither of them had anywhere to go.
Finally, a contractor in a hard hat and tool belt entered to inspect the integrity of the ceiling. The lonely ghost began calling out, “Please, please help.”
The contractor looked around like he thought he’d heard something but kept inspecting.
“Help me. Unfinished business.”
The contractor shrugged to nobody in particular and began studying pressure cracks in the plaster walls.
Just then, the cockroach made her entrance from the baseboard, and the contractor stomped her to oblivion with his steel-toed boot.
“Gnarly,” he muttered to himself.
The ghost of the cockroach materialized next to the lonely ghost.
“I guess you win,” the lonely ghost said.
The cockroach took a few seconds to take in what it felt like to be a ghost.
“No, you were right. This is much worse than being a cockroach.”
This story is part of 13 Ghost Stories in 13 Days. Each entry in the series was written and published in a single day during October of 2020. This idea was completely stolen from Mark Macyk.
Day 1: The Devil’s Diphthong
Day 2: The Podcasting Ghost
Day 3: The Portal Potties
Day 4: The Household Accident
Day 5: The Scarecrow Competition
Day 6: The Cursed Father
Day 7: When the Car Hits the Tree
Day 8: Thank Christ It’s Halloween
Day 9: The Greek Halloween Myth
Day 10: The Ghost & The Cockroach
Day 11: Pampered
